Welcome to my foodblog.
Yes, I know. The interwebs have entirely too many completely and utterly useless blogs on them and I've just made it worse. I'm cluttering up the robowaves with the most boring, mind boggling useless stuff.
But that's okay. It's not for you, it's for me.
I'm doing this to keep a track on how much I'm eating and what frame of mind I'm on when I'm eating it. Basically, I'm going to try to use it to pinpoint how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking when I eat whatever it is that I eat.
Why?
Because I am fat.
Fat, fat, fat.
There's no other way to cut it.
I'm 6' tall and weigh about 280 pounds, give or take a couple six packs of beer in either direction.
Now, I have had a pair of back surgeries; my first when I was very much so in shape when I was 18, and my second when I was 24-going-on-25. Because of the first back surgery, and some other rather pathetic periods of disgusting emo weakness, I didn't bother doing anything, and I ballooned from a rather-in-shape 215 (I even had a six pack!) to what I am today. Because I hurt my back, I gained weight. Because I gained weight, I got depressed and didn't do anything. Because I didn't do anything, my back got weaker and put more stress on the discs between my vertebrae. Because my back started hurting, I did even less, and ate even more. I gained weight. The cycle continued unabated.
Now I'm at the point in my life where I want to be healthy and live healthy and to hell with the pain. I have a fiancee now and the last thing I want to do is make her watch me die at 45 from a massive coronary, or take care of me as I motor about in my pimpin' rascal scooter because I lost my feet from type 2 diabetes.
No, no, this just will not stand.
Working out is a pain in the ass, but I'm okay with it. The problem is I have no good gyms locally, so I have to go during work. And for the last month I have had no bathroom at home, because it was being remodeled, which means that showering has become an absolute chore and takes up half of my morning at my fiancee's parents', who were so gracious as to allow us the use of their facilities. In any event, just because my constraints on time have become more inconvenient, the first activity I cut was working out.
Not a good move, but one that was made nonetheless.
On top of all of this, I have the fun eating disorder of "you eat and eat and eat until you make yourself physically sick" sort of thing. Luckily, it rarely comes about anymore - it was quite common for me back in the day, but not so much now - but sometimes I will literally eat until I throw up - not because I'm bulimic, because the very last thing I want to do is throw up the delicious, delicious food I just put in my mouth. Apparently that's an eating disorder, but not one that can be changed unless you make the change yourself.
Back story aside, food is not the problem. The way I live my life has been the problem, and that's something I aim to correct.
Which brings me back around to the point of this blog; how is this to help me?
Well, it will most likely just be a collection of entries, every day, on what I felt like the day before and what I ate and why I ate it. I'm not going to pull any punches on what I ate. I'm not going to disregard the moments when I lick a bit of grease that was on the plate after a particularly delicious cut of steak because it was just too damn good to pass up.
I'm going to make every attempt I can to quantify how much I ate, at least before cooking, but I'm not going to make any attempt to change how much I eat solely on that. I'm going to try to write down how much I ate and why I ate it, and maybe, just maybe, I can find some general themes for why I eat as much as I eat, and why I eat bad food when I eat it. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's depression, maybe it's just ridiculously weird cravings coming about naturally for no other reason than I'm really, really needing some protein. After a few weeks or months of this, I'll attempt to pick out some of the more apparent threads and attempt to rectify the reasons why I binge, or the reasons why I take an extra piece of cake or what have you.
I have no idea if this will work, but if it does, I may be able to start cutting pounds through a more stable consumption regimen. Who knows.
In the mean time, I'll probably also post about stupid things - whatever is on my mind. I'll probably also talk about how I'm working out - whether it's through riding my bike or hitting the gym or playing some hockey. And if I'm not doing anything because I'm in a funk or if I'm gorging because I'm in one of those moods, then I'll talk about that as well. After I get some data, I can probably start doing some rudimentary and relatively arbitrary analysis - nothing rigorous, but if it helps me with any bit of insight at all, it can only be a good thing.
